Fuck the *$@!ing system - by Zoë Benham

Autism is not the problem.

The problem is the system.

I’m not actually sure how much longer my brain can cope with being stuck in the system. 

It’s a mess. 

I am so stressed!

It is absolutely ridiculous.

The constant bombardment of invasive overwhelming letters and appointments, personal questions, virtual workshops, and people that only want the best but still very much ticking *$@!ing boxes.

Like honestly, *$@! the boxes, my child’s needs are not a box, they are not a box, autism is not a box, *$@! the box. 

I *$@!ing hate boxes.

Have you tried chew buddies? 

Many, many random appointments.

What’s in your sensory diet?

Are you doing zones of regulations at home? 

Soft transitions.

1 to fucking 1s.

Stretched resources.

Lack of funding.

Re - *$@!ing - Ferral.

Waitlists.

Oh and the shit show that is the LA and the fight to get a place in a special school for my boys currently struggling in mainstream.

I am done. 

I am over it.

Genuinely. 

Right now.

I am so over and bored with this outdated system that is making something that’s actually quite simple really *$@!ing hard and I find myself losing all tolerance for anything or anyone who is not actively and openly making the lives of mine and my children’s better, easier and more autism friendly.

I don’t have the energy.

Headspace.

Mental *$@!ing capacity.

And that’s what they want you to see.

They want you to give up.

Lose hope.

The plot. 

The will to live.

They don’t care.

No one cares.

So *$@! the system.

…

And breathe…

…

Rant over.

…

Sitting here in a dimly lit room, having a few moments of peace before I re-enter the household as a mum, facts about trucks flung at me as my senses are on overdrive making sure one autistic child doesn’t trigger another autistic child. I don’t need to remind myself to find the strength or keep going and I’ve got this.

Because… There is no other option.

The only answer is to raise our Autistic Anarchists, to rebel, fight, to be strong. 

To do everything they say they couldn’t.

To rise up and cause a ruckus. 

And for us as their carers, to make their voices heard, by any means possible!

It is worth the stress, we will find the strength to fight for their needs, whatever it takes!